Marriage Is a Two-Way Street: How My Husband and I Help Each Other "Have It All"
Marriage Is a Two-Way Street: How My Husband and I Help Each Other "Have It All"
Description
Last month, in the spirit of romance, I penned a love letter to my husband called, “The Man Behind How I Have It All.“
It was a little tribute to the wonderful partner whom I have in life, the man who is always supportive of me and is truly a team player when it comes to parenting.
But, as many things go when it comes to judging another couple’s marriage, many were quick to jump on the “bad wife” wagon.
Some of the comments I got went a little something like this,
“What exactly does this woman do all day? It sounds like he does almost everything!!?”
“I wish I was a pampered princess.”
And I admit, I bristled a bit at the implications. Hey! I thought. How can anyone try to judge how much I do in my marriage, even if it were a competition — which it totally isn’t, right?
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But then again, the comments made me take pause and wonder:
Do I do enough for my husband?
I’ve praised my husband up and down for always getting up with the kids at night, changing the baby’s diaper and swaddling like a master before handing the bundled-up babe off to me for a feeding. I’ve been grateful that he has always been willing to support my writing career by letting me have time to myself. I admire how he never complains when his hobbies got pushed to the middle of the night, long after the rest of the house has fallen asleep.
And although I think it’s so important to take the time to be grateful for my husband, if I’m being honest, I will say that I also need a gut-check if I’m being as equal of a partner as I expect him to be.
It’s very easy for us to find articles and magazines and blog posts that proclaim men need to do their fair share and that women “deserve” those breaks because, after all, we’re working and baby-rearing and scrubbing toilets, gosh darn it.
But the truth is, I don’t “deserve” any breaks out of my day any more than my husband “deserves” to have a wife who cares for his children.
We do these things for each other because we choose to, because we believe that love means forgoing ourselves for the other sometimes. I’m not “in charge” of my marriage, and my husband isn’t some roommate who has to be on his best behavior around me while I’m busy having it all because that’s my right as a woman.
We both sacrifice and lay down our little offerings of love at the feet of the other, hoping to be understood and recognized for our offerings.
So, yes, commenters of the less-than-admiring variety, I admit that it’s good for me to take the time to realize that “having it all” isn’t all about me. It’s also about supporting and respecting my husband, in both big and little ways. My contributions of love may not look the same as his, nor do I think they will stay the same our whole lives, but nonetheless, there you have it: the ways I show my love to my husband are the ways I help make sure he has it all, too.
When I take the time to make his lunch every single night, I am loving him.
When I decided to take on the responsibility of all the house cleaning, I am loving him.
When I stay home with our children to raise them in the way we both feel is right, I am loving him.
When I get up every two hours to nurse a hungry baby, I am loving him.
When I will push with every ounce of strength I have to deliver the baby I am carrying, I am loving him.
When I keep track of the family finances, I am loving him.
When I organize a monthly calendar and take our children to the doctor and remind him of his meeting, I am loving him.
The older and wiser I’ve grown, the more I’ve realized that marriage is a two-way street.
And sometimes, I have to make sure I’m not taking a little detour.
Read more of Chaunie’s posts here or learn more about Chaunie (and her husband) by checking out her blog and following along on Facebook!
It was a little tribute to the wonderful partner whom I have in life, the man who is always supportive of me and is truly a team player when it comes to parenting.
But, as many things go when it comes to judging another couple’s marriage, many were quick to jump on the “bad wife” wagon.
Some of the comments I got went a little something like this,
“What exactly does this woman do all day? It sounds like he does almost everything!!?”
“I wish I was a pampered princess.”
And I admit, I bristled a bit at the implications. Hey! I thought. How can anyone try to judge how much I do in my marriage, even if it were a competition — which it totally isn’t, right?
But then again, the comments made me take pause and wonder:
Do I do enough for my husband?
I’ve praised my husband up and down for always getting up with the kids at night, changing the baby’s diaper and swaddling like a master before handing the bundled-up babe off to me for a feeding. I’ve been grateful that he has always been willing to support my writing career by letting me have time to myself. I admire how he never complains when his hobbies got pushed to the middle of the night, long after the rest of the house has fallen asleep.
And although I think it’s so important to take the time to be grateful for my husband, if I’m being honest, I will say that I also need a gut-check if I’m being as equal of a partner as I expect him to be.
It’s very easy for us to find articles and magazines and blog posts that proclaim men need to do their fair share and that women “deserve” those breaks because, after all, we’re working and baby-rearing and scrubbing toilets, gosh darn it.
But the truth is, I don’t “deserve” any breaks out of my day any more than my husband “deserves” to have a wife who cares for his children.
We do these things for each other because we choose to, because we believe that love means forgoing ourselves for the other sometimes. I’m not “in charge” of my marriage, and my husband isn’t some roommate who has to be on his best behavior around me while I’m busy having it all because that’s my right as a woman.
We both sacrifice and lay down our little offerings of love at the feet of the other, hoping to be understood and recognized for our offerings.
So, yes, commenters of the less-than-admiring variety, I admit that it’s good for me to take the time to realize that “having it all” isn’t all about me. It’s also about supporting and respecting my husband, in both big and little ways. My contributions of love may not look the same as his, nor do I think they will stay the same our whole lives, but nonetheless, there you have it: the ways I show my love to my husband are the ways I help make sure he has it all, too.
When I take the time to make his lunch every single night, I am loving him.
When I decided to take on the responsibility of all the house cleaning, I am loving him.
When I stay home with our children to raise them in the way we both feel is right, I am loving him.
When I get up every two hours to nurse a hungry baby, I am loving him.
When I will push with every ounce of strength I have to deliver the baby I am carrying, I am loving him.
When I keep track of the family finances, I am loving him.
When I organize a monthly calendar and take our children to the doctor and remind him of his meeting, I am loving him.
The older and wiser I’ve grown, the more I’ve realized that marriage is a two-way street.
And sometimes, I have to make sure I’m not taking a little detour.
Read more of Chaunie’s posts here or learn more about Chaunie (and her husband) by checking out her blog and following along on Facebook!
Début de l'événement
17.04.2023
Fin de l'événement
17.04.2023
Not Fair
Not Fair
Description
Public Displays of Affection
Secrets for a More Satisfying Relationship
A Note To Guys About Helping Your Date Feel Safe
Avoid the First Date Let Down
Letting Go of the Control Freak
Keep It Classy America
How To Be More Emotionally Low Maintenance
I Like Me!
Why Are You Still Single?
How Do You Meet Someone New?
Apparently I am not as cool as I wish I was. I mean, I thought I was cool. I was calm. I didn’t lose my head or anything. I am so over this, right? Oh sure. And that’s why one of my closest friends pointed out to me this weekend that I have told her my ex is engaged every single time I’ve seen her since it happened.
That’s right, my ex is engaged. And I’m not taking it well.
It doesn’t seem fair, you know? I have two ex-husbands now. Two of them. Not to imply that I’m a perfect angel, because I’m not. But both of them did something pretty terrible to me. So it seems like in some karmic way I should come out on top, right? Of course.
Except ex #1 is married to the girl he slept with while we were married and they have a son now. And ex #2 has hauled off and gotten engaged to the girl he was dating while he was trying to get me back. And what of me? That’s right, I’m living alone without a boyfriend or even a cat.
Singlegal reminded me today that I’m not the only one. That I’m normal. But that doesn’t stop me from joining her in her virtual temper tantrum. Or from thinking that it’s simply not fair.
I was the one who was wronged. I was the one who was hurt. I was the one who did the right thing. And I’m the only one who’s still alone. So you see, it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that I’m also the one who goes to bed alone every night. That I’m the one who is starved for human touch. That I’m the one who still cries themself to sleep some nights. That I’m the one who is starting to think I’m meant to be alone and never meant to have children.
Ironically, I don’t want either of these men. I am happier without them, and that’s not a line. I don’t regret leaving in either case. I’m not sorry.
But still, it’s not fair. And I want to be over it. I want to be ok with this, but I’m not. I’m not fine. I’m not cool. And I haven’t been able to let go yet. And that makes me angrier than their newborn son or their engagement announcement. The fact that I can’t let go is what weighs on me now. I want to be over it. I want to be done. So why aren’t I?
Yesterday as I laid down for a nap I dreamed of ex #2. I dreamed he sent me pictures of his new apartment with his new fiancee. I dreamed he told me how he was doing things right with her even though he didn’t with me. Then, in my dream, I somehow let myself in while they weren’t home, and looked around. It was a beautiful place. What I might have wanted with him once upon a time. And just as I went to leave, he came home. I ran and hid and then abruptly woke up with my heart pounding.
I wish I were a bigger person than this, but apparently I’m not. I wish I were over this, but apparently I’m not. I wish I were better than this, but apparently I’m not.
And sometimes, life just isn’t fair.
Secrets for a More Satisfying Relationship
A Note To Guys About Helping Your Date Feel Safe
Avoid the First Date Let Down
Letting Go of the Control Freak
Keep It Classy America
How To Be More Emotionally Low Maintenance
I Like Me!
Why Are You Still Single?
How Do You Meet Someone New?
Apparently I am not as cool as I wish I was. I mean, I thought I was cool. I was calm. I didn’t lose my head or anything. I am so over this, right? Oh sure. And that’s why one of my closest friends pointed out to me this weekend that I have told her my ex is engaged every single time I’ve seen her since it happened.
That’s right, my ex is engaged. And I’m not taking it well.
It doesn’t seem fair, you know? I have two ex-husbands now. Two of them. Not to imply that I’m a perfect angel, because I’m not. But both of them did something pretty terrible to me. So it seems like in some karmic way I should come out on top, right? Of course.
Except ex #1 is married to the girl he slept with while we were married and they have a son now. And ex #2 has hauled off and gotten engaged to the girl he was dating while he was trying to get me back. And what of me? That’s right, I’m living alone without a boyfriend or even a cat.
Singlegal reminded me today that I’m not the only one. That I’m normal. But that doesn’t stop me from joining her in her virtual temper tantrum. Or from thinking that it’s simply not fair.
I was the one who was wronged. I was the one who was hurt. I was the one who did the right thing. And I’m the only one who’s still alone. So you see, it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that I’m also the one who goes to bed alone every night. That I’m the one who is starved for human touch. That I’m the one who still cries themself to sleep some nights. That I’m the one who is starting to think I’m meant to be alone and never meant to have children.
Ironically, I don’t want either of these men. I am happier without them, and that’s not a line. I don’t regret leaving in either case. I’m not sorry.
But still, it’s not fair. And I want to be over it. I want to be ok with this, but I’m not. I’m not fine. I’m not cool. And I haven’t been able to let go yet. And that makes me angrier than their newborn son or their engagement announcement. The fact that I can’t let go is what weighs on me now. I want to be over it. I want to be done. So why aren’t I?
Yesterday as I laid down for a nap I dreamed of ex #2. I dreamed he sent me pictures of his new apartment with his new fiancee. I dreamed he told me how he was doing things right with her even though he didn’t with me. Then, in my dream, I somehow let myself in while they weren’t home, and looked around. It was a beautiful place. What I might have wanted with him once upon a time. And just as I went to leave, he came home. I ran and hid and then abruptly woke up with my heart pounding.
I wish I were a bigger person than this, but apparently I’m not. I wish I were over this, but apparently I’m not. I wish I were better than this, but apparently I’m not.
And sometimes, life just isn’t fair.
Début de l'événement
08.05.2022
Fin de l'événement
08.05.2022
Sortie Culturelle
Sortie Culturelle
Description
La culture, moins on en a, plus on l'étale!
Début de l'événement
30.05.2023 - 18:00
Fin de l'événement
02.05.2021 - 20:00
Adresse url
https://www.yeswiki.net
Adresse
Avenue des Champs Elysées
Code postal
75000
Ville
Paris
Yeswikiday
Yeswikiday
Description
Une journée pour faire avancer le projet Yeswiki dans la bonne humeur
Début de l'événement
30.04.2020 - 09:00
Fin de l'événement
30.04.2020 - 16:00
Adresse url
https://yeswiki.net/?DocumentatioN
Code postal
7700
Ville
Mouscron
Youpi ici c'est le titre
Youpi ici c'est le titre
Description
Un événement autour du vin, c'est pour cela qu'il est à Bordeaux...
Début de l'événement
08.01.2020
Fin de l'événement
10.01.2020
Ville
Bordeaux